I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
