Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sarcasm needs its own font
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
