you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
