i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
