i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
