imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
