Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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