Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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