Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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