I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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