I am midnight drunk by noon
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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