it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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