Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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