He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
