Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
