New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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