so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize