Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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