You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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