Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
