Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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