Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
