Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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