cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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