Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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