I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
