TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
