You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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