Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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