So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
