Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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