sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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