You're so nebulous sometimes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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