Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i will never coherently bang her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You took a bar mat shot.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
