I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
