Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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