90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
