in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
