she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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