i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
