dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize