I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
