is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
