I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
