roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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