It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
