im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
