Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize