Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
