We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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