Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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