I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
