I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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