I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
