I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
