Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
