Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
