I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize