Why are handjobs necessary in class?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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