Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
