Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize