Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
