your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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