my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
