No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
