I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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