I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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