yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
