I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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