Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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