she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
