look no pants
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
