Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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