I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
