whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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