4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
